A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
