Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
