Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
