Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize