There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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