Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
