Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
