there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
