my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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