FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
