ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
