Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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