I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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