I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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