I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
