u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
