He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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