Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
