Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize