Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i've created a new STD.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
