Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
