My sheets look like a crime scene.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
