Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
