You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
