i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
