I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
