I can text with my tongue
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
