I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
