There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize