I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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