Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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