I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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