He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
