she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
