Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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