I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
