A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize