is your mom at the bar?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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