Michael Bay diarrhea
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
