Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
