3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
