i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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