About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
