i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
