After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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