how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
ttyl tear gas
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
