I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
