the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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