My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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