it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
