I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just found out that she named her cat after me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
