I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
