my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
