I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
