I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
