I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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