yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
