We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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