I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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