end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
