I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
