Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
