No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
