I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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