her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
