People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize