So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
