dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
