Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
