No awkward lesbian experiences without me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
